I had my first private yoga session last week. My second one is tomorrow. I didn't expect to be good at it. After all my only previous experience was from the Suzanne Deason DVD I've had for about a year and a half. Off and on over the past year I'd do the easiest level on the DVD and tell myself I should try a private session and see if I want to take yoga classes.
Finally, I made the call and set up a private session. I wanted to get a couple of private sessions under my belt before even attempting a class. Let me say that while some positions were familiar, my DVD in no way prepared me for a full one-hour yoga session. I have never sweat more in my entire life. Never!! Now several days later I feel great about the experience. At the time, I felt clumsy and inadequate.
Fortunately for me I had a good instructor that reminded me that no one is good the first time they try anything. Everyone has a first time. Simple, but very true advice. The best thing she said though was this, "Anyone can walk through that door. Lots of people talk about it. Lots of people think about it. You are here. You did it."
As I've gotten distance from that first session I realize how hard I pushed myself and that was one of the reasons I wanted to try yoga in the first place. I'm still terrified and worried that because it is hard I'll give up. But I've practiced every day, the breathing is becoming more natural and easy for me. Doing Sun Salutation in easy flowing movements may take some time yet!!! But, scary as it is I'm also excited in a "holy shit!!" sort of way. That is a good thing.
Sometimes things have to rumble around in my head for awhile before I see things clearly. What I realized today was that I don't have to be afraid of quitting or failing. I didn't start this process to become a yogi (teacher). I'm searching for some form of exercise to give me flexibility and mobility with my RA. Yoga was one of the options I wanted to try. I've come to realize that this search, and in particular the private yoga sessions, were part of a process to check it out, try it and see how I liked it. How liberating!!! It isn't a life time commitment. Duh!
How do I get myself in these knots anyway? *wink* No yoga pun intended.