Did I tell ya the one about...
Here's the latest from Beanie...
He went for open mike night at a bar in Long Beach only to be told that they only allow singers and no longer allow stand-up after an "unfortunate situation" with a comedian the previous month. Beanie was steamed for having to make the drive so he decided to console himself with a trip to McDonalds.
Normally one wouldn't expect Mickey D's to be a hotbed for adventure, but my Beanie Boy is a magnet for the unexpected to happen. There he was munching away on cheeseburgers trying to hide behind a pillar. Why? There was a group of five highly intoxicated gay men. Five men who found my lurking son attractive and apparently made overtures. Overtures that Beanie swears will scar him for life.
Okay, I admit it. I was laughing my butt off at this point to which my son exclaims, "Mom, you are laughing and I'm scarred for life!" I told him it was good fodder for his act.
"Oh," he says, "that reminds me. I auditioned for this comedy thing at school and I'm one of the finalists."
"Really? That's great sweetie."
"Yeah, guess what material they liked best?"
"Bean, people are going to think I'm a horrible person!"
*Laughter*
"Do you still tell people that we used to tell you that you would be "returned" because you were naughty and adopted?"
*More laughter*
"You know people are going to think your Mom really said stuff like that to you!"
"Oh my God Mom you are hilarious!"
"I'm hilarious because I don't want people to believe I ever said I was sending you back?"
To which my darling son replies...
"Did I tell you about my new routine where I talk about how you made us clean dirt?"
I just want to go on record right now. I NEVER, NOT ONCE told either of my children I could (or would) send them back for misbehaving or not cleaning their rooms. If you ever hear that I did, remember that it's just a joke... Then whistle and applaud loudly for the young comedian and imagine what a wonderful and tolerant mother he must have.
As for the dirt thing, let's just say there may have been dirt, there may have been rakes and Beanie might have been involved.
Labels: Beanie
Posted by Rosie at 12:01 AM
16 Comments:
Hahahahahahaa!!!! I would love to hear his act!! (I'm just glad Taylor isn't into stand-up. I can only imagine what he would say about me!)
I'm with Jenster - I would love to see his act - specially since I know you and call you good friend. And I have a story I could tell him - the one where you 'disappeared' in SF and we, your roomies - mostly me, were freaking out on where you had gone - and then you came strolling in from the pool and calmly said 'oh didn't I tell you were I was going?' *laughing* once a mom, always a mom.
And be glad he's laughing WITH you :-) Ryan apparently wrote a book about his life (which I find funny since he's only 29) and I don't think I come off very good at times. We have a pretty good relationship but I've made some doozies of mistakes in the role of mother.
And if he's into stand up - his MacDonald's story will make good funny - he sure is one attractive young man!!
*SIGH*
Ah Rosie, I just love ya so much. And miss you too!
All mothers are fodder for material, whether it's stand up or not. I can do 20 minutes on how I'm scarred for life because my mom wouldn't get me an Easy Bake Oven. It's horrifying.
Handsome and hilarious--it's no wonder women and men are drawn to him. Too funny. I'd line up for his act too! Specially cuz I'm dying to hear about cleaning dirt, LOL.
Handsome, charming, smart... of course any smart person who likes men would hit on him!
And, given how my own children speak of their childhood, I'm sure mothers know just how kids can twist the most innocent of incidents into the most outrageous stand-up fodder.
((Rosie))
[just 'cause]
OMG Rosie.....that is halirious!! :)
I dread opening Twitter each day for fear that my daughter has said something about me. Now that I have twitter she is way more careful then she use to be!! LOL
LOL - too funny! Why oh why would these big strapping boys think we would EVER want them to go back from whence they came?
Jeff's talked about doing stand-up before. I think he's hilarious, but he's so off-the-cuff that I don't know how he could ever plan it.
And how handsome is Beanie? Holy cow! No wonder those guys tried to pick him up!
Oh yes, we want to hear!!! You should record him or something! :)
You know, if you don't want him to use you as material anymore, he perhaps could use his new adventure at McDonald... unless do you think that will offend people?
You know you've really arrived when you have become a big source of material for your kids comedy routines, lol.
His dumb luck they were drunk. Normally he probably could have gotten away with "Sorry, not into dudes" comment - but yeah, they were drunk and probably highly amused that they were scarring poor dear Beanie for life - LOL.
You mean it's not kosher to say you'd take your kids back? Cuz, I'm pretty sure my Big Sis has saved every single scrap of mind-numbing, PITA, convoluted piece of INS paperwork to lord over my foreign adopted niece's head in preparation for her teen years :)
Oh and Kati? I never got an Easy Bake Oven either. I'm seriously considering therapy because of it.
LMAO, I swear keep the Beanie stories coming, I love them!
Awww, I'm bummed he didn't get to perform in Long Beach, I hang out in Long Beach quite a bit, next time he's out this way, CALL ME! I wanna see his act!
And I don't doubt it at all that you had him cleaning dirt, haha. Too funny.
You are hilarious! I can see where he got his funny genes from!
I guess the plus side is that he's using the material to do stand-up instead of at a therapy session! He's a gem, that kid...I love him lots!
I love that his most popular stand-up routines are the ones about you. You're fabulous, that's why.
Missed you.
Jenster, maybe one of these days he'll tell me before he performs so I can see him. Although that might be like watching him bat in baseball. I was always a nervous wreck after he was beaned with a ball.
Kristie, hey I said "I'm going swimming!" You were all just still asleep. *vbg*
Kati, aw, no easy bake? Bummer. My Mom story is about the time she bought me a dress that was 2 sizes too small for my birthday. She kept the dress, wore it and didn't replace the gift. It's no wonder that I'm scarred.
Jennifer B. I thinking saying that I made them "clean dirt" is a stretch. Although I guess it's a matter of perspective.
AL I continue to be amazed at the re-writing of history my children do. They try to tell me I'm getting old an senile and I claim they were only four years old and didn't know from nuthin'. Next time we meet we need to have a glass of wine and commiserate.
Blanche, too funny about your daughter and Twitter. Both my boys say they don't Twitter, but I doubt they'd tell me for just that reason. They don't want me to know what they "tweet".
Lori, Jeff is hilarious, at least what you've shared. You never know when he might sit down write some stuff down and suddenly share it with the world. Gird your loins girl.
Nath, if I ever find out in advance where he's going to be I'll go check him out... To say his using me for material bothers me is a stretch. Let's just say I don't like some of the twists he uses to make a real life event funny. OTOH, I'm excited and happy for him because he is having such a good time.
Becky, "arrived" is that what they call it?
Wendy, Bean has lots of gay friends since his first year at Fullerton he was still a theater major. However, I guess this is the first time he's gotten the full court press. I guess the guys were pretty funny, but wouldn't take "no" for an answer. I suspect you are right and they figured out he was straight and since they were toasted found the whole thing uproarious. I know I did.
Rowena, you really want to know if performs in Long Beach? I'll call. He needs all the fans he can get.
Miss Tumperkin, funny? You think I'm funny? My kids think I'm crazy. According to them there's a big difference.
Warrior M, I think it's too early to think there may not be therapy in his future. He thinks you are pretty cool too, btw. Of course a certain Major in the USAF is a fave too.
Holly, mwah!
I've got to go see one of his standup routines. I'm laughing just picturing the stuff you describe he says. BTW, you could stand up alongside him and the place would be rolling with laughter! Think of the joy your Beanie brings to people (not to mention the frustration to you sometimes). The apple is close to the tree . . . you have a gift for giving joy to people also.
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