ANKLOSING SPONDYLITIS

Huh? What is that ANKLOSING SPONDYLITIS? I have it? Aaack!

I've been debating since Friday when I received this diagnosis whether or not to share it with the world. But seeing as how I'm not the courageous long suffering type...I'm more the "share the pain" sort, : ) I thought what the heck?!! It doesn't have to be a regular part of the blog. Since Sundays are my self-inflicted confessions at how I'm doing health wise anyway I decided to share.

Of course on Friday after getting the news I threw myself one hell of a pity party. I laughed, I cried, I left work early. I remembered the post Jennifer Crusie had about her blood condition about a month ago...hitting someone, anyone, with a shovel sounded decidedly like a great idea.

I kept thinking to myself "Why are you crying...this isn't terminal! You didn't find out you have an untreatable disease! Stop it!" But in the moment all you think is "THIS SUCKS!"

On the upside, I can now move on to the part where I face adversity with spunk and courage. Yeah...right. A couple of weeks ago I was having a crap day with the RA and the joints were kind of creaky and I asked the guy I live with if I was a whiner and a complainer. He quickly assured me that I wasn't...."You just like to groan and grumble once in a while", he says.

It cracked me up. Now there's a distinction, I DON'T complain, I groan and grumble!! Isn't that sweet? He thought that was an improvement over being a complainer. Poor guy, trapped like a rat knowing there was no "good" answer he did the best he could.

So we've been stratigizing. Where do we go from here? Guess what? No where!! We are just going to live our lives. I'll make adjustments (gotta move and groove more) when I have to. But I'm going to live my life business as usual.

So for my attitude of gratitude this week I've got to say. "Hey God, thank you...it ISN'T a terminal disease!" I HAVEN'T hit anyone with a shovel, and I really DO have the best damn husband in the world!

100 Random Things About Me

I've blatantly stolen this idea from my baby sister. I'm going to see if there is even close to 100 things...random or otherwise I can say about myself.

1. My husband and I share the same birthday: December 17th

2. In November I will be married for 25 years.

3. Being married for 25 years is the longest I've done ANY single thing in my life.

4. I became a mother at 32. When I became a mother at 32 I thought it was the perfect age to start parenting.

5. When I was young I believed I would be alone and never marry. My dream was to have a successful marriage, a warm and open home, a house where my kids could bring their friends to hang out, and a place my extended family would gather. Sometimes I have to pinch myself.

6. My two children are adopted, two boys.

7. Meeting my husband was the best thing that ever happened to me and I was too dumb to know it 25 years ago.

8. I believe good manners are important and try to instill them in my two boys. I refuse to give up!

9. I've never been unfaithful.

10. I was 49 when my Mom died and for some stupid reason I thought my age would have something to do with it being easier to bear her loss. I was wrong. I will grieve and miss her until the day I die.

11. I am the oldest of nine children.

12. I'm bossy.

13. My heart breaks easily and mends slowly.

14. I value solitude and it is a gift I work on giving myself.

15. I'm 60 lbs overweight which sounds better than saying I weigh 200 lbs. and is easier to write than to say I'M FAT.

16. The least I've ever weighed in my adult life is 133.

17. I've only ever been on 3 diets and they were all successful. After I reach my goal weight I always gain weight back...not necessarily more...I just gain it back. I don't really believe I can keep weight off.

18. Going to the movies is one of my favorite things to do.

19. I love watching "INSIDE ACTORS STUDIO" even though James Lipton bugs me.

20. I have rheumatoid arthritis and it makes me angry.

21. I have lumps and bumps on my hands and feet from RA.

22. My sisters are my best friends.

23. I don't love all my siblings the same.

24. I don't love my children the same. My love for each of them is very unique and individual, but it is whole and completely 100% theirs.

25. I love to be outside, but I hardly ever am.

26. I love the way my husband smells...just him and soap!

27. I've always secretly wanted to write a book.

28. I read 3 to 5 books a week...mostly romance.

29. I started reading erotic romance 2 years ago and it changed my life.

30. Obsession is a way of life for me.

31. VANITY FAIR is my favorite magazine.

32. I envy my sister Joy her daughters. She is the only one of us sisters with daughters...the other three of us have boys.

33. I really like to swim but only in chlorinated water.

34. I believe I'm pretty intuitive and trust my instincts especially about people.

35. I was born in Butte, Montana.

36. To me the worst thing that could happen in life would be to lose your anonymity. Loss of privacy would fracture me.

37. My sex life is x-rated and monogamous.

38. I'm a shameless hussy when it comes to bed linens and bath towels.

39. There are 4 meds I have to take twice a day every day and they aren't vitamins.

40. My brain functions (to me) like a huge filing system. I see everything in organizational charts.

41. Lists are my friend.

42. My favorite author of all time is Linda Howard.

43. My favorite book of all time is MILA 18 by Leon Uris. I read it when I was in high school and it was my first real understanding of the Holocaust.

44. The most important goal of my life is to be sure the people I love know that they are loved.

45. Most of the time I thank God our children don't have either my or my husband's genetics.

46. I've had a hysterectomy and a breast reduction. Neither one was particularly traumatic or affected my love life or relationship with my husband.

47. I used to have 44 DD breasts. A guy in a bar once asked me if he could take me home and f*** my breasts. I threw my drink on him.

48. I love the way the bookstore smells and I'd rather be in a bookstore than just about any other place in the world. I like to read in the store.

49. My favorite alcoholic beverage is Tanqueray and tonic with 2 wedges of lime. Lime is VERY important.

50. Night time is my friend. Sunrise is the enemy.

51. Coffee is one of my favorite things in life.

52. I think watching your body age sucks. Getting older is an incredible journey, too bad you can't choose the mode of transportation for the trip.

53. It is hard for me to fall asleep and I rarely remember a dream.

54. I took anti-depressants when I was 40.

55. Therapy, next to my breast reduction, was the best thing I ever did for myself. I loved therapy because I could talk about myself and what I was thinking and feeling without guilt or censorship.

56. I get my nails done and have a pedicure every two weeks.

57. I can keep secrets.

58. I have secrets.

59. I lived in Colorado Springs for two years. I moved to Colorado Springs when I was 22 years old with $200 to my name and knew no one.

60. When I arrived in Colorado Springs I lived in a boarding house that was also an American Youth Hostel.

61. I hardly ever floss. I know I'm supposed to and I get lectured every 6 months when I go to get my teeth cleaned, but I just don't like flossing!

62. I've only had three lovers.

63. My first love was gay and I knew it before he told me.

64. My first love was not my first lover.

65. My first lover was a lousy kisser.

66. I didn't really kiss someone good and proper until I was 20 years old.

67. I made out for 4 hours once and had beard burn for 2 days.

68. My first serious crush turned out in life exactly the way I thought he would. I never told him how I felt about him. I knew I'd be rejected. 35 years later I have no regrets because I know I was right.

69. I never said "I love you" until I met my husband. I was 25.

70. I got married 9 mos after I met my husband. My husband and I did not live in the same city for 7 of those 9 months. He was in Cleveland, Ohio and I was in Colorado Springs.

71. I believe in God because of the divinity of my meeting and marrying Greg.

72. I can't leave my bed unmade.

73. I color my hair every 4 weeks my natural hair color. I began getting grey hair when I was 18.

74. I had laser treatments to remove a beard. It took twice as many treatments as the doctor originally anticipated.

75. I cried when I got my first grey pubic hair.

76. I didn't pass my written driving test the first time I took it. I missed 7 and you could only miss 5. I made my Mother swear not to ever tell anyone.

77. I like to nickname people. My favorite nicknames: Shmoo, Beanie Boy, Goobie, Mary Angelee-nah, Steadman, EQ

78. I have a nickname: Rosemont. It is based on a character in a long joke. Her full name is Rosemont P. Goodbody.

79. My only ambition is for my real life, which is my life with my family. I have no other aspirations or ambitions.

80. When I was 13 at a girlfriend's house for a sleepover she asked if she could kiss me. I said "no". I never spoke to her after that because it scared me. Now it makes me sad to think about because I can't even remember her name.

81. I drove drunk and don't remember how I got home. I was 24 and I've never done it since.

82. I'm impatient but constantly strive to be MORE patient and kind.

83. I believe in love, but I think there are some things even love can't conquer.

84. There are quotes I live by:

"When you know better, you do better". I heard Oprah say it and it is attributed to Maya Angelou

"You reap what you sow" the Bible

"Yard by yard...life is hard. Inch by inch...life's a cinch."

85. I drive too fast.

86. I hate horror movies and hate to be scared, but am fascinated with the notion of vampires and werewolves.

87. I love chest hair...on men.

88. My favorite place in the world is cuddled up on my husband's shoulder. It is the only place I feel truly safe.

89. I've been sleeping on a waterbed for 19 years.

90. I have integrity and it is a trait I most admire and honor in others. Along with being disciplined and focused.

91. I am not a procrastinator, but I stayed up 72 hours before my oldest son's high school graduation in order to finish his scrapbook before the event.

92. I plant flowers and tomatoes every year in March.

93. I love when all my family is gathered at my house.

94. Christmas is my favorite holiday.

95. I don't like Halloween. Which goes back to #86...I don't like to be scared.

96. Fall is my favorite season.

97. I believe that the four seasons are a reminder to us of the cycle of life.

98. I have a burial plot with my husband. It is near my mother and my brother. It comforts me to know it is there.

99. The older I get the more I mourn the loss of my youthful exuberance and enthusiasm. I don't know where or when I lost it, but I do believe I have an inner compass that desperately tries to send me in the right direction.

100. I love hard and I believe life is hard, but I also believe that to balance it all out we are given moments of truly incredible serendipity.