A big family, a reading addiction, and the occasional celebrity scandal are the ingredients of life that create one woman's opinion on just about everything.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Glory to God in the Highest!!

That was a trick title to hide the real reason for this post. Last night I had one of those moments that I thought I had prepared myself for but found myself speechless when it happened.

My 19 year old came home from an evening out with his friends and plopped himself on our bed for a midnight chat to catch up a bit. This is a frequent occurence as our schedules don't always permit conversation during the day.

In the course of our little convo guess what bit of news comes to light? He has started having sex with his girlfriend...his 16 (almost 17) year old girlfriend. Gulp! The news that he has become sexually active at 19 is not shocking, but it is a mental adjustment as well as an emotional one. No I wasn't shocked to find that my 19 year old male child had become sexually active, I was (am) more concerned about whether he and his young girlfriend are ready for this step. I'm worried whether I have taught him enough about being responsible, respectful and considerate of this young woman.

The "news" didn't end there. It turns out his girlfriend has told her mother about them being sexually active. While I'm glad she isn't treading into these waters without talking to her mother, I'm a bit apprehensive since she is under age and Number One Son is not. Did I mention her parents are recently divorced and it was not an amicable split? Am I crazy or does this have all the potential for diaster written all over it?

After a brief re-cap about birth control being the responsibility of BOTH parties and an even shorter reminder to speak to his Dad about using a condom properly, he cut the convo short and raced from our room. Yeah, I know Moms aren't supposed to delve too deep in these waters, but holy hannah, if he's old enough and supposedly mature enough to have sex with his girlfriend, then he should be old enough and mature enough to have a conversation about it.

You might wonder where the guy I live with was while I was getting all this big news. Right there with us...sleeping like a baby! I obligingly shared the update with him at 4:45 a.m. this morning while he was getting ready for work. While he did pale a bit he says he's going to have another conversation with Numero Uno about sex, respect, birth control ...you know all the high points. Isn't this what good parents are supposed to do?

What do you think? Did your parents ever talk to you about sex?

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Blogger Kat O+ said...

I could NEVER talk to my parents that directly about sex. Mind you, Mum was very good at giving us the talk. I think we started talking about sex (in bits and pieces) from when I was around 6 yrs old, maybe younger. But as for specifics...I think there was an unspoken rule between us that: a) I was not to have sex before marriage; b) if I were to do so, I should pretend I wasn't; and c) if I were to pretend, I should put my knowledge to good use and take the necessary precautions.

Anyway, I was trying to imagine what I'd do if my son and I had the same conversation (mind you, he's not even 2, yet, so thanks for putting the idea in my head as I now have about 17 years to fret about it *g*) and I got CHILLS just thinking about it. I asked my hubby if he ever considered telling his mum that he was sexually active (hypothetically, since we actually are married) and his response was an emphatic, unhesitating, "Yuck! NO!" *LOL*

But you know, there's a lot to be said for your child trusting you enough with something so very personal. It reflects a very special kind of relationship, I think.

5:38 AM PDT  
Blogger Ruby said...

I remember first speaking to my son about sex when he and I were driving home one night and the most awful wail was piercing our ear drums. I thought a cat was being attacked by a possum, so I turned the car around to better shine my lights on what appeared to be a wrestling match in the middle of the street. If it had been a possum attack, I have NO idea what the heck I thought I was going to do about it (?)

It was two racoons doing their "thang". The ensuing conversation went something like:

"Mom what are they DOOOing?"

"It is alright, they are actually having a good time."

"Why are they YELLING?"

"Honey, I could explain it all to you now, but you are a bit young."

"Come on Mom...TELL me."

He was five years old. He had one question after another. I have always been able to pretty much tell him anything with an open attitude on both sides. My mom and I also had that kind of freedom between us. I have never laughed at any question he has had, and I always taken him seriously. This topic presented no exception.

When he reached 18, he likewise decided he was ready to take the flying leap. Because of the example set by the racoons...?? (I doubt it.)

Along with the explaination regarding sex, I threw in the moral side of things. He seemed to forget the "First you get married" part. Hormones were raging.

His partner was a girl who was under age. Her mother is a teacher. The possible of the mother loosing her certification was huge. All it would take was a neighbor viewing the kids coming home to an empty house unsupervised...with the suspenion of a sexual act taking place in her home. (Which they of course did.) When he was told he could be sent to jail for what they were doing (in the state of Ore.) He took a deeper look at his actions. Reality hit.

I am of the opinion, racoons or not, he would have eventually figured it out on his own. Maybe when he reached say, six or so?

9:27 PM PDT  

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