Jonathan ...

I'll miss you forever...

Jonathan Jude Sanders

January 28, 1959 - October 24, 2004

In 2004 we lost my mother in January and my brother in October. It was a rough year to say the least. My brother was only 45 years old and had lived his whole life coping with physical handicaps he had been born with.

Losing your parents is not easy, but something you expect in the natural order of things. Losing your sibling is different. For me it was like losing part of myself because I was in this unit of nine children and Jonny is right in the middle of the birth order...a precious part of us that defined our family unit. With his loss I felt more hollowed out than when my Mom died, more like I physical hole was left in my body that nothing or no one could ever replace, change or fill that was just Jonny.

I have a beautiful diffenbachia plant in my home that was sent to our family when Jonny died. It's huge now and we just recently transplanted it into a bigger pot. I talk to it and call it Jonny and seeing it makes me feel better. I know I don't have to get over losing these people I've loved, but I am finding ways to live with their loss and after two years I feel blessed and content with that.