A big family, a reading addiction, and the occasional celebrity scandal are the ingredients of life that create one woman's opinion on just about everything.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Ruh-Roh Reggie...

I planned to start this with the definition of 'mortified'. Instead I will start by saying GG is in A-LOT... TREMENDOUS LOT... of T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

GG is the root, the source, the very essence of my mortification. GG is the one who left a love bite, otherwise known as a hickey on my neck. The neck that is exposed in most of the clothing I wear. The neck that is exposed because it is so short that I rarely wear (or own) collared tops. The neck that has a bright purple bruise on it the size of a half dollar. Yes, mes enfants this is no 'oops I got carried away by passion' little red smudge this is a whopper of a HICKEY ON MY NECK!

So this is my S-O-S. Any ideas? Thoughts? Advice? I'm not speaking to GG. He had the nerve to laugh when I called him this morning and told him what I found on my neck. My only reprieve is that I was off today for Columbus Day, but I have to go to work tomorrow.

By all that's holy it's not like I've never had a hickey before. I have. You know little tiny raspberries that are gone in half a day. But nothing and I mean NOTHING like this monstrosity. I'm livid. Embarrassed doesn't begin to cover my mortification. I'm not exaggerating either. Although it occurs I sound slightly hysterical at this point.

So, you might be wondering why am I exposing this on my very public blog? Well, with the exception of Luann, no one at work reads my blog AND I need your help.

Does anyone have any cure for hickeys? Remedies to make it go away fast? Something. Anything. Well, anything other than the requisite half pound of pancake makeup that is currently smeared over my friend 'Igor the love bite'.

You have no idea, well Holly might since MM is a cop, how merciless fire fighters, et al, will be if they catch the slightest wind or sight of this thing. My life will be unbearable for the foreseeable future.

Boys suck. No pun intended.

***ETA*** I think the hot and cold treatment has helped because the bright purple bruise seems to have faded quite a bit. Keep your fingers crossed that with the spackle pancake make-up covering it I might pass muster. One can hope.

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22 Comments:

Blogger Dev said...

Ummm. Lemon juice and a cold spoon?

That is way too funny. I literally am having trouble breathing I'm laughing so hard.

8:49 PM PDT  
Blogger Rosie said...

Dev, you're laughing at my mortification????? I'm going to put a spoon in the freezer. Maybe in a week I'll be speaking to GG again.

8:52 PM PDT  
Blogger Lori said...

LOL!!! WTG, GG!

Wear it proudly, Rosie. And tell them that they should treat their wives to one when they are all GG and your age. So there!

10:00 PM PDT  
Blogger Holly said...

Rosie, it just so happens that I adore you and GG. Just absolutely adore you.

I Googled it for you and came up with this article:

http://www.getridofthings.com/get-rid-of-a-hickey.htm

Hope that helps.

And unlike the other two (even though I adore you) I'm not laughing, b/c I know just how brutal cops and firemen can be. They are ROUGH. I don't envy you at all if you don't get rid of that before tomorrow.

To make you feel better:

Did I ever tell you about that time I walked through a screen at MM's dive team BBQ? While sober?

Exactly...

:P

10:17 PM PDT  
Blogger Holly said...

Ok, so I might be laughing just a little bit.

But only a little, I swear....

10:22 PM PDT  
Blogger Rosie said...

Lori, I swear wearing it proudly is NOT an option in a fire station. My life is doomed.

Hols, a screen? Holy crap. You know you are talking years here right??? I feel your pain. Or, I will if the spoon and hot compresses don't go a long way to helping by tomorrow. Thanks for the link.

Smothering GG in his sleep might make me feel better.

10:27 PM PDT  
Blogger Holly said...

Yeah, a screen. At someone else's house. While completely sober. Years doesn't cover it. For the REST OF MY LIFE I will hear about that.

*headesk*

10:30 PM PDT  
Blogger Rosie said...

Not that it is any comfort to YOU, but you have made ME feel better. :D

10:34 PM PDT  
Blogger Rowena said...

LOL, oh Rosie, I do love you and GG. Hehe, I can't even type any words of comfort for you because I can't stop laughing. It's a good thing Dev and Holly got you covered on the getting rid of things here because I'm still laughing.

LOVE YOU!

11:13 PM PDT  
OpenID gabriellel66 said...

You salope! I'm telling Tamara!!

Seriously--Bare Minerals is pretty good :-) Too bad you don't live here so you could get away with a scarf ;-)

12:11 AM PDT  
Blogger Kristie (J) said...

I know this isn't fair but.....bwaaaahhhaaaaaaa

OK - I'm done now!
Um - Scarves?

3:20 AM PDT  
Blogger Marg said...

I think it's great!

Of course, it's not my neck, and not my workplace. I can guarantee you that I would never hear the end of it either!

Thanks for the laugh.

When I was a teenager I was told that toothpaste is good but I have no idea if that is true or not. I could say because I never had any, but the truth is more likely that my hair was long enough to pretty much hide it!

3:29 AM PDT  
Blogger ames said...

LOL!!

Sorry luv, no cure here. But way to go GG. hehe

4:59 AM PDT  
Blogger Katiebabs said...

LMFAO!!!!
*snicker snicker*

5:54 AM PDT  
Blogger Rosie said...

Rowena, I'm glad I can be of some amusement. AND, thank the Lord I think Holly's link helped quite a bit.

Gabrielle, that's me. The middle aged trollop of SoCal. I speechless. I know it sounds ridiculous to say, but I swear I don't remember anything happening that would make one believe they'd have a bruise like I have. Or make such a lame explanation either.

Kristie, I have a long memory. I'll remember your bwahahahah. I will. It's supposed to get to 80 degrees today AND I don't even think I own a scarf, but desperate times and all that...

Marg, as I have often lamented, I don't like my hair. So to have more of it (i.e. longer) is out of the question. However, it would be a godsend right about now.

Ames, I'm NOT telling GG wtg. Not AT ALL. Bastard.

Katie, would you be laughing if it was your Mom with a hickey on her neck who had to go to work? Yeah, see what I'm saying? I'm not exactly 20-ish any more. So you can see how it might be a trifle embarrassing...can't you?

6:44 AM PDT  
Blogger Katiebabs said...

OMG I must bleach my mind for the thought of my mom having hickey!!
Okay, now I understand *slinks away*

8:13 AM PDT  
Blogger Wendy said...

About the only benefit to living back east? Yep, being able to rock the turtleneck when you have a hickey. The minute we moved to a warmer climate I told My Man that the hickey-on-the-neck days were officially over. Now, if he wants to leave one on a part of my body that's easily covered up with clothing? That's another story entirely.

I was going to recommend ice to help with the bruising, but it sounds like you're already working on it. Once the bruise fades the make-up should take care of the rest.

8:28 AM PDT  
Blogger little alys said...

So, uh, how's the hickey today? If it wasn't happening to you, I'm it would be a little funny. At least a very little. And it's sweet too, in a way.

1:26 PM PDT  
Blogger Amy said...

Ok, I'm a lurker at this blog, so I obviously don't post much, but I'm dying to hear if you got any crap at work for the scar...er, hickey.

6:38 PM PDT  
Blogger Rosie said...

Katie, yeah thinking about your Mom with a hickey puts in perspective doesn't it...

Wendy, yeah don't think I didn't consider a turtleneck today. I have exactly ONE. It has little bitty Christmas trees on it. Sure, why not it's OCTOBER and 80 degrees. So I take it your Man has been cooperative in the love bite department?

Alys, yeah, I try to have a sense of humor about and I DO to the extent I've posted about it, but I swear if one of our Board of Directors commented on it I think I'd literally have a seizure from mortification. They are all so staid and proper don't ya know.

Hi Amy, I'm glad you delurked and came out to play. Well, so far so good. Day one Operation Love Bite was a success. Nobody noticed today and if they did they said nothing. Praise be to God. As I mentioned before the cold spoon and hot compress really did leach quite a bit of the purple out of it and the pancake did a pretty good job covering up.

7:26 PM PDT  
Blogger nath said...

And we don't get a pic of it?!?!

LOL :) Poor Rosie!!! So, if you weren't working in a fire station, you wouldn't be mortified?

Hey, I got an idea... as a revenge, perhaps you can give him one? :P Hope it'll be gone by tomorrow :)

Okay, can't resist... but, hihihi :P

7:48 PM PDT  
Blogger Rosie said...

You know Nathie, I might not be as mortified if I wasn't working where I am and having to deal so much with the public. If I was in a corner doing bookkeeping like I have at a couple of places I worked I probably wouldn't even worry about covering it up so much. May-be. Maybe. Maybe. I dunno for sure.

7:58 PM PDT  

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