You Gotta Have Friends...

A couple of blogs discussed friendship today. Holly talked about being a true friend in her post and to a degree this was also the subject of AngieW's post today as well.

This is what I commented at Angie's blog:

"A friend who can be honest without motive, personal gain or to hurt you, who genuinely just wants to help because they love you. Hang on to them…hang on tight. I have sisters, so ’nuff said, they thrill to grill me all with a kiss and a hug. But my closest friend who choses to be in my life as I do in hers…well, she’s a treasure beyond measure. "

I guess I'm sort of cynical because while several people at both of these blogs commented on their personal friendships, I have found both honesty and loyalty in short supply in real life. In fact, I talk to my two sons about personal integrity all the time. There simply aren't that many people with the courage to be honest, loyal and true...all things I think you need to be a real friend.

No offense to Holly, but I can't put telling a girlfriend her new blouse is unattractive in the same category as telling her she needs to go to rehab, or that a boyfriend is a lying, cheating scum, or her kid is a bully, or her daughter is a klepto. Try telling your parents you aren't going to another holiday if they are going to be drunk and have the rest of your family, who feel the same way, get mad at you for rocking the boat.

The thing is...it's hard to be honest. It is even harder if you absolutely know that what you say or do is going to hurt someone and that your only motive is to help someone you love and care about. Perception is everything. What if the family member or friend you are honest with thinks you suck for your honesty? It happens. People say they want the truth, but I've found that's not always the case. Being honest ain't for wimps. It's hard after the dust settles not to point to oneself and say...see me I did the right thing and everyone is pissed at me! No one wants to hear that or acknowledge it. You have to be ready to accept the consequences of being a good friend and sometimes that might mean the relationship is never the same, but the friend gets better or out of a bad situation. It's effing hard!

Honesty and integrity aren't things you employ when it's convenient. I think they have to be a part of everything you do. It's not just being the bringer of the news, sometimes you are the person receiving the news. So when a friend or family member is there in the trenches with you, holding your hand and supporting you no matter what the situation, that is everything. Forgiveness is huge with any friendship or family because as sure as there is sun in the morning everyone screws up sometimes.

As for the talking about people behind their backs, I've found that walking away from a conversation about some bitch or bastard that I'd love to add my two cents worth is hard. Being fair to people you don't like is even harder. The Golden Rule is easy to live by with the people you care about, but not so much for the guy who has no teeth (I kid you not!), reeks of BO, is rude and wants to rent an RV site for the night. So, not participating, even just by listening, has been hard for me. Stuff like that happens in the work place all the time. But I've found that I really got sort of poisoned just by listening to all that negativity. So now, nosy as I can be, I "just say no"! Well, to be "honest" I mostly say "no!" *g*

So while I have many acquaintances that I love and enjoy in my life, besides my husband, I have my sisters with whom I'm mostly honest (you know who you are) and one...one true friend that is all the things I've talked about here. I feel incredibly blessed for the abundance. They are all the more dear for their uniqueness.

BTW, I don't mean to imply I did any or all of those things listed...some are real life experiences and some are just examples. God forbid you all think I'm out there being a little Miss Fixer or Co-Dependent. Ack!!

My 5 Truths, My Name and Holly's Survey

This was posted below my Happy Birthday to my son. I'm moving it to the top because I'm too tired from the weekend shenanigans to do a new post today and I don't know if everyone saw it.

Last week Jodi tagged me to tell five truths. Here are mine and I hope they don't scare you all away.

1. For about two years I've wanted to pierce my nipples. Don't ask me why, I've just been fixated on the idea. I haven't because I'm 51 and I can't imagine anything more ludicrous or ridiculous. I keep thinking of visits to my Gynnie who I've known for years and his surprise when it's time for the breast exam. That and the fact the as sure as there is hellfire and Jesus it would hurt like a mother. I could maybe do it if Steadman and my sister Mary were to get drunk with me and take me to a nice sterile environment and then I could have a great drunk story to go with the piercings.

2. I still cry sometimes over our infertility even though I absolutely love and adore our two sons.

3. While I try to eat right, exercise, take meds and do all the right things for my rheumatoid arthritis I mostly want to wail and bitch about it.

4. In real life I have to curb my language all the time because one of my worst vices is my foul mouth.

5. The most significant truth about me is how important it is to me that the people I love, KNOW that I love them. The worst thing I can imagine is that my nearest and dearest wouldn't know how much they mean to me or how much I loved them.

There it is...my five truths!



Okay, now for my name. Thanks to Zeek I linked to find out how many people in the U.S. have my same exact name. I used Rosie instead of Rose Marie, my legal first name. As I commented at Zeek's blog, it turns out there are 16...16 women with the very SAME name as me. I think that's alot of people to have your same name when it isn't Smith or Jones. I was pretty surprised. Here's the link for you, if you haven't tried it already.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 16 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Last, but not least is a mini-survey from Holly's site.

1.What makes you visit a blog? Lots of things make me visit a blog. The majority of the sites I visit are due to my interest in reading romance novels, but not all of them. I think what most of the sites I visit have in common is how genuine the people are.

2. What makes you come back to it? sincerity, originality, humor, common interest, human interest

3. Do you read the archives of a new blog you find? Or of ones you visit frequently? When I'm new to a blog I certainly look at the archives. If I've been away from my computer like when I'm on vacation I come back and go through archives of the blogs I most frequently visit.

4. Do you comment on all the blogs you read? Or only some? What makes you comment or not? In general I do comment at one time or another on all the blogs I read, but not on every blog every day. Sometimes I don't have anything to contribute, which isn't to say that I didn't find the posting interesting. Usually something has to strike a chord of familiarity for me to comment.

5. Do you like it when someone repsonds to your comment with one of their own, or do you not care? I do like to have a response, but it isn't always necessary or reasonable, some comments just don't require a response.


6. How often does a blog need to update for you to keep visiting? A few days? Once A week? Once every couple of weeks? This really depends on the blog. If it is a really good writer I can usually go longer between posts. Jennifer Crusie (Argh Ink) posts very infrequently. In general though, I'd like to see a new post at least once a week.

7. Is there anything you DON'T want to read about? If so, what and why not? If not, good on you. ;) As I've said many times...me...I'm a Nosy Nora. I like to read about it all. There have been a few occasions of TMI, but *g* but if you will blog it, I will read it.

It always feels good to have the housework done. I think I'm all caught up again...for the moment.

I Have This Friend...

I've been thinking about her a lot lately. Which is ironic because I had this post already written and was waiting to publish it when I read this post by Holly. She in turn has a link to another post. We are all thinking about people from our past. People who were, or are, very important to us. Both Holly and Moment happen to be thinking about first loves...for me it is a very dear friend.

She is the very best sort of friend. She and I can email or talk on the phone no matter how long a break we've had and take up where we left off as though the previous conversation or email had just been moments before.

Of course, she isn't perfect. While she faithfully reads this blog every day, and there isn't another living sole close to me who can claim that, she never comments. She emails, she calls, but never posts a comment. (Geez! What a pain in the a$$ you are sometimes!!) Not that commenting on a blog is her worst fault, it's just one I can discuss in a public forum. *G*

As I was saying, I've been thinking about her alot lately. Feeling like I owe her an apology. An apology for all the times I've been in a conversation discussing closest or best friends and made some remark stating that I have had all sorts of friends throughout my life, but I've never have had that one "special" best friend.

Then a couple of days ago I was looking at my blog stats and saw the little flag in Minnesota that tells me each day that my friend has visited my blog. This little red flag that has been there every day when not another person in the world, including my husband, was reading my blog.

Honest to God it hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't believe how completely dumb I'd been. Of course I have that one, true special best friend! She's been there for me for more than 25 years no matter what. When my Mom died, when my brother died...she's been there. How could I be so clueless and unappreciative?

I have many friends that are very dear to me to be sure. Friends I've shared many wonderful times and moments with over the years...and there isn't one I can do without or would trade. But this friend is special to me. You know why? Because with the exception of my sisters and my husband she is the only person I'm completely my down and dirty to the bone self.

I absolutely adore her! I can't imagine my life without her. We've cried together, fought together and we always laugh together. I get her and she gets me. Even the icky parts that most other people don't like about us.

So, this is for you dear Steadman. I love you to bits. Forgive me for not saying your name proudly every time I've been in a conversation about best friends. Can you feel me thinking about you? I think it's time for a visit.

Help Out a Struggling Musician!

I had a book review for you for today, but while blog hopping last night I found out about a contest at Alternative Press called Almost Famous. This is a sort of battle of the bands contest. A fellow romance reader and blogger Holly has a brother whose band is participating in the contest. The band's name is Larusso.

All you need to do is go to AP, take a second to register and vote for three bands with Larusso being number one of course. While you are there check out some of the other band sites and listen to their music to cast your other two votes. My son, who already knew about the contest, cast one of his votes for Endless Hallway. For more information go to Holly's site and read her post. C'mon the links are right here for you...click and vote. Besides being fun, you'll be hearing some up and coming new bands.

I figure one good turn deserves another. My brother and the AOL Gold Rush game one day...Holly's brother and battle of the bands another day! You gotta love the 'net!